My Joy is Her Happiness
by pinaysuga
Summary: This is my first fanfic. So go easy on me! It's a Makoto/Ami romance, so if you're uncomfortable with that sorta stuff, I advise you not to read.


My Joy is Her Happiness  
By: pinaysuga  
(Dis)claimer: Of course I own Sailor Moon! I also own Bill Gates and the Teletubbies! I own every character on the show. That's why I'm wasting my time writing a fanfic. I'm a huge fan of my own show!   
  
*sigh* I wish my last few sentences were true...Oh well. On with the story!  
  
  
I remember those times. The times of loneliness and longing. The times where I used to wish on a star every night...I'd wish for someone to love.   
Some one to love... Whenever I imagined my future, I would see myself as a successful person. I would see happy person who'd fulfilled her dreams...and had a cute boyfriend....Okay, that would be a perk.   
I never expected to fall for my best friend. It just happened. It changed the way I hoped my future. The day that I realized my love, my dreams only reflected her.   
Her...my blue goddess. The one who's intense beauty rivals her great intellect. The one I dreamed about every night. My goddess, Ami.  
I bet you're wondering how this all turned out for me. Well, I don't want to spoil anything because I'm gonna go through the whole story.  
It all started three days before my love's birthday. I was out with my friends, Usagi, Minako, and Rei. We were shopping for Ami's surprise party. And I was secretly out to search for the perfect present for her. Yet, nothing was good enough for her. It was aggravating. My friends seemed to notice my irritation.   
  
  
"Mako-chan? Is something wrong?" asked Usagi, looking at my concernedly.  
Of course there is. I am in love with Ami, but she can never know. Oh yeah! I also can't find something special enough to give to her on her birthday! THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!!!  
"No...I'm just wondering what to get for Ami. I haven't gotten her a present yet." I said. My pathetic problem made me sigh.   
"You haven't gotten her one yet? I got mine at least a week ago." said Minako.  
Thank you for making me feel a whole lot better Minako. You always know what to say. No, wait... my mistake. It only irritated me further.  
"Yup. Me too. But, why are you so stuck on what to get her? You know her best out of all of us." wondered Rei.   
"Yeah, Mako-chan. Why don't ya just get her a book, or something sciency?" suggested Usagi.   
Hmm....maybe I should get her a book or something sciency. Because nothing says 'I love you' like a book on Biology!  
I held back my sarcastic thoughts and replied, "It's Ami's sweet sixteen. I want to get something special. Something that she wouldn't buy on her own. Except, I don't know what..."  
My friends looked at me. It was strange, the way they were staring at me. It was like they saw right through me, and knew how I felt....but that was impossible. I gave no outward signs that I was head over heels in love with Ami. Did I?  
After a long silence, Minako spotted Motoki walking in the mall, with Reika, much to her disappointment. She quickly waved them over.   
"Hey Motoki-kun! How have you been? .....hello Reika." Minako said cheerfully, then quietly.  
I couldn't help, but chuckle. Minako's crush on Motoki was just amusing. I sighed and remember my crush on Motoki-kun. It was all shattered when Reika came back from Africa. But, I still felt happy for Motoki. He was so happy. I guess when you're far away from someone you love....  
I stopped. I started pondering about that phrase 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' Everyone stared at me when I cried out happily. They all looked up from Minako's incessant chattering and watched me as I left in a hurry. I could tell they were confused, but that wasn't important at the moment. I had a lot of phone calls to make.   
  
~~~~~  
  
I sat on my couch alone. It was depressing. Nobody seemed to remember that today was something special to me. My friends and I had all gone out to get some ice cream, just like we did every Saturday afternoon. But, no one treated me special at all. No one even bothered to say, 'Oh yeah. Happy Birthday, Ami.'   
Afterward, they all decided to go to Rei's shrine. They didn't even bother to invite me. They all automatically supposed that I would rather go home and study. But, when have I ever hinted that studying wasn't my whole life?  
I was in my house, all by myself. My mom couldn't even get a day off of work for me. I started to cry.   
"I'm such a loser. No wonder they forgot my birthday. They probably don't even care." I sobbed.  
Not even Makoto remembered. I expected *her* to at least remember. I even dreamed about her the last night. I dreamed that she would give me a wonderful present, although anything Makoto gives me is wonderful, and it would give me the courage to tell her... Tell her that I loved her.  
I've loved Makoto for the longest time. I was planning to tell her on my birthday. But, no one remembered it.  
I recalled my situation and began crying again. Thoughts of my beautiful Makoto calmed me, even though she didn't remember my birthday.   
I heard a knock on my door. I ignored it. Whoever it was knocked again, more persistently this time. I got up angrily and opened the door.  
My anger slowly drifted away. She was smiling at me. It was a smile that melted my heart.   
"Hello, Ami-chan." she said simply. The sound of her voice made me a bit weak in the knees, so I invited her in to sit down.   
When we sat down, I released the breath I was holding in. "So what brings you here Mako-chan?"  
She smiled again and my heart skipped a beat. I tried my hardest not to give an outward sign, because I was supposed to be mad at her.   
"Happy Birthday, Ami-chan." she grinned.  
My eyes started to tear and I started hugging the life out of Makoto. She froze in my arms. What was she thinking?  
  
~~~~~  
  
I didn't know what was going on in Ami's head, but I was thoroughly enjoying her embrace. I had no intention of telling her to stop, but the way she hugged me was a bit....different.  
She looked up at me with her sparkling blue eyes and cried, "I thought you forgot!"  
I looked at her sadly as she cried in my arms. I wasn't really sure if they were tears of happiness. I just wanted her to come to her party. I wanted her to see that we did care, so she would be happy again. I hated seeing her cry like that.  
"Come on Birthday-girl. I wanna give you a present. But, I kinda forgot it at Rei-chan's." I said. I smiled to myself internally as she gave me curious look.   
"Why did you leave it with Rei-chan?" asked my angel. Her tears were still apparent, ready to fall at any moment. I didn't really want to upset her. But, I didn't really want to lie.   
"I...um...got it today...and it was kinda too big to haul all the way over...." I stammered.   
Oh! Great job Makoto! I'm sure if you stutter like a big idiot, she won't suspect a thing!  
"Really...?" she whispered. She seemed to not notice, either that or she didn't care, that I was obviously lying.   
"Yeah. Come on." I said with a faint smile. She smiled back at me. She looked more like the beautiful creature that I fell in love with. I tried not to let on, but my heart was pounding at a rapid speed. I just couldn't breathe.  
We both sat there, not saying a word. I kept beaming like a complete moron, but she was still smiling back for some reason.  
It's probably pity. I thought to myself, a bit disappointed with reality. I dismissed her response and rose from my seat. She rose too and told me that she was going to change.  
I looked at her. I never actually noticed that she was in her blue pajamas. I guess, no matter what she wears, she's so beautiful that I never notice....  
She came out in a white halter top and *very* short, shorts. Okay. scratch that... I couldn't help but stare. I felt a lump in my throat and I started to sweat. She had never worn anything like that, in all the years I had known her.   
I think she noticed my reaction, because she was staring at me intently. I became even more nervous, and I practically ran out the door. I'm such a chicken...  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!!" I yelled at myself. I felt like such an idiot. I scared her off.  
I just wanted to look nice. Those clothes had been in the back of my closet for a while. I thought she'd like it...  
"I probably look like some stupid whore." I cursed at myself.   
I, at first, thought she'd liked it. But then, she looked like she was going to vomit. She was probably disgusted. That's why she left.  
I sighed and walked out, I had to find her and apologize. To my surprise, she was standing right outside, waiting for me. She still looked a bit sick though.  
"I...um...you've never worn anything like.....that before." she stuttered. Her voice was jumping octaves and cracking. She must've been nervous or something.   
"I'm sorry, Mako-chan. I just wanted to look nice. I didn't mean to make you think..." I started.  
She interrupted me quickly. "NO! You look great! I, on the other hand....just got um....jealous."   
I couldn't believe she said that. She was the most gorgeous creature on the planet, at least to me. "Mako-chan! You know you're beautiful. I'm no competition at all."   
She seemed to be more comfortable all of a sudden, but she wouldn't let me compliment her.   
"Thanks Ami-chan. But, you know that's not true. Come on..let's just go." she murmured.   
Before I could protest, she started walking. My eyes started to fill with tears again. I held them back. I just wanted to hold her and tell her how beautiful she was to me.   
The rest of the walk was in silence. We eventually got to the base of Rei-chan's shrine. My curiosity returned to me as we walked up the many stairs.   
"SURPRISE!" I heard everyone yell. All of my friends had jumped out. My mother was there, also. I wanted to cry out of happiness for the first time today. It just meant the world to me that they cared.  
"Ami-chan! Happy Birthday!" cried Usagi. She ran over and embraced me. Minako and Rei followed immediately. I hugged my mother then I went further into the party to greet everyone that had come.   
I stopped when I saw someone staring at me nervously. It was a face that I hadn't seen in years.  
  
~~~~~  
  
She was finally happy. I looked over as she hugged Urawa with all her might. Urawa looked at me and gave me a grateful grin. I nodded toward him and I walked away.   
He was my birthday present to Ami. I had worked hard for hours to get him to Tokyo. I called friends that knew him, which directed me to more friends, and so on. I bought him the train ticket and everything. I was positive that I would never make Ami happy. But, he could.   
I smiled at them. Ami was chattering away with him. Her face just seemed to glow. I looked at the rest of my friends, they were busying themselves with the party.   
I walked away silently. I felt I didn't really need to stay anymore. I just left, content with the fact that she was happy.  
  
~~~~~  
  
I was so glad to see Urawa-kun after all those years. I missed him so much. He was the brother that I never had.   
This was one of the greatest things that anyone had ever done for her. A surprise party and Urawa. As we talked, he kept looking at me strangely, though. I was a bit curious to what the stares meant.   
"Urawa-kun?" I asked him.  
"Yes, Ami?" he replied, still looking at me that way.  
"Um...I've noticed the way you've been looking at me. Is something wrong?" I questioned.   
He kept fidgeting. "Uh..Ami-chan? Can we talk somewhere in private? I need to ask you something."   
I agreed and we went in another room. I noticed beads of sweat forming at his brow.   
"Ami...I've missed you." he said as he embraced me once more. I returned to hug and told him that I missed him too. He pulled away.  
"I know, but...I've thought about you a lot." he said with emotion. "I kept wanting to call you, but I was too afraid."  
"Afraid of what?" I asked him. I was starting to get nervous as well. His tone of voice was different.  
"I was afraid that you would reject me if I told you....this." he said.   
I felt a warm sensation on my lips and I closed my eyes. My brain later registered that I was being kissed. Something felt wrong though. I opened my eyes in realization and saw his face. I pulled away.  
He looked hurt and confused. It broke my heart to hurt him this way.   
"Ami...What's wrong?" he asked, pleading with his eyes to not walk away.   
"I...I... We can't do this. I'm sorry. I love someone else." I said. I hated myself for hurting him, but I just couldn't betray my heart.   
"Who is it?" he said with a bit of venom in his tone.  
"I-I can't say. I can't tell even them. I couldn't risk the relationship. We're friends and I just couldn't face rejection..." I stopped. Urawa had the same problem as I did. But, he was brave enough to take a risk. It made me feel like a coward.   
We stood there in silence for a while. Both trying to collect our thoughts.   
"Ami-chan." he said, breaking the silence. "I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have..."   
"No Urawa-kun. I'm glad that you did." I said. "You were brave enough to try. Unlike me..."  
He hugged me. But, it was nothing more than an embrace of friendship. He let me go and began to leave.   
As he reached the door, he stopped. "Ami. I want you to go tell them." he said, not facing me. "You're going to regret it if you don't. Believe me."  
I nodded as he left. I sat down on the hardwood floor alone once again. I could hear the faint sounds of the party in the other room. I'll return eventually. Now I need to think...  
  
~~~~~  
  
I stepped out of my bedroom and yawned. I looked at the clock on my wall. It was 11:58. Some moron was knocking at my door and wouldn't shut up. I had gone to sleep an hour or so ago.   
"What sorta idiot knocks on people's doors at midnight?" I mumbled to no one in particular. I was tired and was having another dream about my beloved.   
The incessant knocking was irritating me. I walked over to the door, opened it, and sent my fist flying toward Ami. I stopped myself just in time. My fist ended up about an inch from her face.   
I felt terrible about acting so irrational. She opened her eyes and saw my fist. I was about to take it away, when she took my hand. It had seemed like an electric pulse raced through my whole body as we touched.   
She took my hand and laced her fingers with mine. My heart was pounding and my mind was overloaded by feelings of love, confusion, and fright. We stood there like that for what seemed to be an eternity.   
She finally spoke. "Can I come in Mako-chan?"  
I mumbled through my dazed state. "Sure. Ami."  
She entered and we both sat on the couch. I was wondering what exactly was going on.   
"What's on your mind Ami-chan?" I whispered.  
She looked uncertain for a moment and didn't respond.  
"You weren't at my party." she said simply.  
I looked away. "I had to take care of some things..."  
She moved in closer. "What sorta things?"  
Think Makoto! Fast! "I..uh...just things." Great answer, oh smart one!  
"Oh." she replied quietly.   
I turned my gaze back to her. I was fighting every urge to reach out and kiss her, as I'd been long to.   
"Mako-chan?" she asked.  
"Yes?" I responded.  
"I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time. I'm just afraid that it might ruin our friendship. I don't want you to hate me..." she said meekly.  
"Ami-chan...Nothing in the world would make me hate you." I reassured her. I was pretty damn curious what exactly she was trying to say, but I dared not hope that she would say what I wanted her to say.   
"Do you promise?" she pleaded.   
"Of course. Now what are you trying to say?" I asked her.   
She looked me straight in the eye. I got lost in her deep blue eyes. I didn't realize what was happening until she kissed me.  
I froze in shock. Ami was still kissing me, but I was to petrified to respond, or even move for that matter. She pulled away, looking hurt and started to run towards the door.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Makoto didn't respond at all to my kiss. When I looked in her eyes I thought I saw a mixture of disgust and confusion. I kissed my best friend, it was a stupid thing to do.   
I couldn't take the rejection and I started to run. But, before I could make it to the door I felt her grab my wrist. She probably felt guilty and wanted to make me feel better.   
I stopped resisting when I heard her speak. "You can't leave without knowing that..." She took a deep breath. "I love you, Mizuno Ami. I love you with all my heart."  
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as she released my wrist from her grasp. I could feel her body close to me, as she leaned in for a kiss. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall freely.   
I wrapped my arms around her as we kissed, she did the same. I didn't want that moment to end, but Makoto pulled away slowly. I looked at her, wondering why she had stopped.  
Without warning, I was swept into my love's strong arms as she carried me to her bedroom. She laid me down on the bed and kissed me once more, this time with an even deeper passion.   
This time I pulled away. "Is this some kind of dream, Mako-chan?"   
She looked at me with her beautiful emerald eyes. "I don't know. But, if it is, I hope to never wake again."  
My heart pounded furiously. "Mako-chan....I love you..."  
I saw her green eyes fill with tears. "Ami-chan...."  
I hushed her and rolled her on her back. I kissed her and we both knew that no more words had to be spoken. We took our passions into the night, and for once in my life I felt truly happy. I slept safely in the comfort of Makoto's arms and I have been ever since then.   
  
~~~~~  
  
Well, that's how it happened. I still can't believe it sometimes, but I've found someone who loves me. Ami and I are still together and will always be together. I'm never going to let her go.   
I hope that everyone will one day find their soul partner in life. And if you love someone, it's best to tell them. Even if you're rejected, it may inspire someone else to take a dive. Either way, I hope everyone finds their own happiness.   
  
Authors Notes:  
  
So what did you guys think? This is actually the first fanfic that I've ever submitted. I'm still in the process of writing others, but I thought that I'd actually write a short story. Now I can finally say I finished one!  
  
I'd love to know what you readers (if there are any) think. I welcome all types of reviews, but if you REALLY hate it, try to use constructive criticism. If you hated it that much, then help me get better. Suggestions, comments, flames, I'm all game.   
  
pinaysuga 8/25/01  
  
  



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